Aren't I Cuter This Way?
by ShikonnoTamahater
Summary: Sasuke thought he could reinvent himself at Longview High, and oh boy! did he succeed. But now a new kid comes to do the same, and he's usurping Sasuke's role as school stud! Not only that, he's claiming to be an old friend! Sasuke will NOT stand for this! SasuNaru AU-HIATUS UNTIL OCTOBER 2012
1. Who DARES To Run Into ME?

_A/N This is a story that I made up sitting in my aunt and uncle's house in Wisconsin, completely bored. I had just finished reading a Naruto fan fiction in the wee hours of the morning before falling asleep, so various daydreams were playing out in my mind for somebody's amusement (I'm generally tortured by these types of fanfictions, since they will never, and can never, actually occur. So I tend to not think of them as much as possible, except of course, when I read them. Writing is ALWAYS, or was, out of the question) but not mine. I quickly pulled out a piece of paper from my binder of the original story I'm working on, and sped through the first chapter as fast as I could. When I finished it, I dutifully read it over and found it to be too short. The following excerpt is written directly to the computer, something I hate to do. I like to write things on paper, get out all the kinks, and then type them up. It gives you a chance to catch mistakes you may have missed and such. Now, back to the rough draft I started before coming back home… I had the first chapter completely fleshed out; I even had my summary and my first author's note written! So this is where the next part is Sasuke kinda/sorta having a dream in which he gives some of the background of the Alternate Universe he lives in that I just added. Yes, I'm sorry… This is an *shudders* AU fanfic. _

**Once upon a time, I was a child. A child who laughed at any chance given, who smiled, and who loved and loved freely.**

**Once, I was a fool.**

**Tragedy descended upon those whom I loved. A tragedy so dark, so grotesque, I changed. I became a person of quiet stoicism, of few words and even fewer emotions.**

**In other words, I grew up.**

**I was allowed time to change, to get over the horror, to forget! But then the adults newly in charge of my well being finally decided that I had been given enough, and sent me away from all that I knew.**

**It's been three years since I was forced away from my hometown. I now live in a hovel with five other "siblings", two of which are really the children of my foster parents.**

**The rest are like me, homeless and forgotten.**

**But at least I am finally back where I belong at Longview, the elite private school that only the most privileged of the land are allowed to send their children.**

**The children I live with are not to receive their education from this place. Only I am given that honor.**

**My last few years I made a name for myself at Longview, not necessarily one that I want to keep. I was the emo-kid, someone painfully cute; one people were afraid to touch.**

**In the few short weeks since school has started, I have completely wrecked that image. People are still afraid to touch me, but not because I'm fragile.**

**I am the sex god they want to drag to their beds and do unspeakable things to.**

**And I love every moment of it.**

**The uncomfortable way they try to hide their fantasies, of course. It's quite a thrill to see them attempt to disguise why they want to hang out with me and talk to me, watch them try to tell themselves that they only want to touch me because I'm perfection, and not because they want to meld themselves against my body…**

**And not only the girls do this. **

**This is the part that fills me with elation: Even the most masculine of men want me. The teachers, my male classmates… They deny it but they want me.**

**There is some good to having the saccharine beauty of a boy angel. Not a man, but boy.**

**With my sexy aura, I can afford an arrogant, stuck-up demeanor. Attracting all those around me while repelling all that have no business with me. And no one truly has business with me, in my opinion.**

**And my opinion is the only one that matters.**

**I'm not as suavely cool and distant as I have everyone believe, but do I truly know that myself anymore? I tried to pull it off at the school I went to for the three years I was gone, but they all got to know me as the creepy, despondent kid. My new persona didn't take, but that didn't stop me from hiding behind it for the remaining two years I spent at that school.**

**I was determined to make it work at Longview, and trust me, that sense of determination had paid off.**

**I shudder to think of the decrepit and desolate public schools my "siblings" have to attend. But I do not pity them. Rather, I give thanks that I am spared this fate, the slightest I have been faced with.**

**Yet I would rather face a thousand lifetimes filled with these schools than for some of the horrors I have lived through to have actually occurred.**

**You never get all that you want, though. **

**There is more to my story, but a sense of growing horror rouses me slightly from this memory-filled dream of mine.**

_(This is the beginning of my pre-written material, if you're still reading after that long, meandering bunch of drabble I tried to pull of as a precursor)_

_A/N Sasu x Naru ftw kyah!_

_I do not own anything. Not even the clothes on my back. Let alone these characters._

_Please, Read and Review! Reviews are worth another chapter this time around._

_Hugs, kisses, and please no flames. This is filled with questionable subject matter –So if you don't like, don't read. Lovies from {ShikonnoTamahater}_

"Boy, wake up! You'll be late for school."

I immediately curse this person and all their descendants for the rest of eternity for daring to wake one such as I, Sasuke, in so rude a fashion.

"Lazy! Just get out of the house already, my foster—and I shudder to say it—father spits.

"I'm up."

"Stay up." I glare at the man until he backs out of my room. I say my room, but how could anybody call such a cramped space their own when they share it with three others?

I pull the threadbare blanket, offending my body simply by attracting my notice, away and begin to get ready for the day.

While my gelled hairstyle is drying, I check the time. Shit, I'm too late to catch the bus. But… I have just enough time to run there if I sprint… No one else could manage to get there before the tardy bell, but how could I not? I'm simply the best, and just too athletic to fail.

I leave my bookbag at the door, mainly because I wouldn't be able to stop it from bumping around painfully on my back and jarring my spine uncomfortably. And everyone knows the "in" kids don't carry much on them.

I make it into the school right as the school bell rings the first alarm. I am so relieved to get there, the warning sounds like soothing, uplifting chimes. A part of me muses that the bell system has always sounded like this; this is an elite private school after all. I just never cared to do more than head to class after hearing its sweet melody begin. My relief at getting there on time, however, sours as I realize that part of me was not expecting to arrive on time. Before I know it, an arrogant smirk rises onto my lips, the other part of me that never doubts condescendingly reminding the more realistic Sasuke that I could never fail at something so trivial.

The Arrogant Sasuke, the new persona that I have been firmly planting into the minds of my educators and fellow students, takes his cue to completely step in as my personality now that I have officially arrived for a new day at Longview. I casually saunter into my first class as the final bell ends, having completely steadied my breath from the long sprint here as only I can.

"Nice of you to join us, Sasuke. I won't count you tardy this time, but I remember telling everyone at the beginning of the school year that I expect students to be in their seats when the bell rings," Mr. Umino gripes, I mean, instructs.

"Hn. Yes," I agree.

All of a sudden, someone slams into me from behind, nearly sending me sprawling in a most undignified fashion. Thankfully, Uchihas know how to save themselves from such embarrassing scenarios. Not so for the idiot about to feel my wrath!

I spin around after successfully catching myself, hell-bent on exploding years of pent-up rage against the face of my transgressor, only to find myself—

Staring into the eyes of the most beautiful deep blue eyes I have ever seen. No, I have seen a similar pair, but those were set in the face of a dorky boy. These complement the well-arched eyebrows and blonde cascade of long, layered silken hair pulled into high side ponytails. A hairstyle like this would normally make me scoff at the childishness of the bearer, but this just accentuates the sweet girlish innocence of her. I immediately want to grasp her soft, round cheeks and taste those plump, rosy lips.

Quickly, I mentally shake myself of the urge. Who knows where she may fall into the strata of this highly structured private school? What if she's a weirdo? My new identity as super-stud isn't quite cemented into place yet, which meant the Great Sasuke Uchiha cannot fall victim to anyone's spell, not without proper knowledge of the girl and her background.

I take my seat in Classic Sasuke style, "Classic" to this school at any chance, and wait for this obviously new student to take her notice of Mr. Umino.

"Oh, hello, I heard you were joining us today," Mr. Umino says. A soft, but oddly neutral of any noticeable gender identification, voice replies, "I'm so sorry I'm late. I got kinda lost, ya know?"

"Just introduce yourself to the class and tell us a little about you," Mr. Umino tells her.

"Alright." She turns to face the class and smiles with her eyes closed and one hand on her hip, the other crooked upwards with fingers outstretched as if waving at us. Someone sniggers behind me, and I feel the desire to smack him or her, regardless of gender. I stifle it.

"My name is Uto Uza. I'm fifteen years old, and I like ramen. I'm stronger than I look, but that makes up for my stupidity in general. Oh, and, I used to go to school here in the elementary portion when I was six."

"Hn," I scoff. I was at this school then, and I would've remembered her. Even if she had been an ugly cow then. Especially then, because she would've been alone… Like me…

I mentally chase that thought off, knowing that it will return later tonight. My brain has too much to ponder right now, as the girl has definitely piqued my interest, if her sheer good looks hadn't done the job already.

"Thank you for listening," the girl, Uto, finishes by releasing her endearing pose.

Taking his cue, Mr. Umino adds, "Any questions?" a statement directed to the class.

A girl raises her hand. Ino. "Are you a boy or a girl?" she asks bluntly without being called on.

Dumb girl. Anyone could see the new kid was most definitely female.

Mr. Umino tries to change the subject by forming a sentence that probably ends with asking the newcomer where she moved from, a mundane and standard question that is always either asked or willingly divulged when coming to a new school, but Uto interrupts him.

"That's simple," she says. I already know she's going to declare her femini—"I'm both."

_A/N Well that's that, for the first chapter. Please tell me if you think it's too short or just right—I have no clue, since I struggled to make this as long as it is. I'll update as quick as I can, two weeks at the most. I'll update in a week if I get a review, so there's your incentive! If you have any plot ideas or concerns about ANYTHING, feel free to PM me __J_

—_ShikonnoTamahater_


	2. Why Students Universally Hate Cafeterias

_A/N Wahhh! I own nothing… Sometimes, not even my brain… (As is evident in the fevered obsession about writing this story I have displayed)_

_In the past chapter, I had difficulty with the word "descendant." My spelling of words is generally correct; I found two forms of the word to look correct. Descendant can also be spelled "descendent", the difference being in the ending "ant" and "ent". Both words possess the same meaning as adjectives, but one just felt more right than the other. Thanks for listening to my random tidbit from last time!_

_Please, R and R! Anything is welcome, but please no flames. The subject matter in this story is questionable; so don't read if discontent seems to prickle at you._

_Reviews this time are worth a kiss between two characters! I'm dying to write this, so please hurry!_

_Fangirl glomps from {ShikonnoTamahater}_

My jaw drops of its own volition.

The rest of the class is stunned into silence.

Uto looks at me, and grins devilishly at my expression. I quickly cover my gaping mouth, hoping that no other soul was privy to Sasuke's Great Shock. How could I allow so much emotion to show through?

Uto turns his/her attention away from me, and calmly leaves the front of the room. S/He walks down the center aisle, accidentally brushing my arm with her/his waist as he/she did so.

A shiver of—and I hate myself for this—attraction runs through my body at this slightest of contacts.

To my horror, the kid takes the empty seat behind me. I know this because my ears catch the small sound of the chair scraping the floor as Uto sits at the desk. For once it is not due to my enviable senses detecting the noise; rather the silence of the classroom telling me that a great horror has once again decided to make me take the brunt of its misfortune.

Mr. Umino gently clears his throat, clearly wanting to regain control of the situation but not quite knowing how he could do it.

Please, do something! Quickly! My mortification at being attracted, even in passing, to a gender-confused female was threatening to break through Arrogant Sasuke's demeanor of complete disinterest.

Across the room from me, Ino smiles with ill-hidden glee. She loves causing gossip to stir the halls of Longview, and there was no doubt that this tidbit was already making its way around school via covert text messages.

News like this could even make it to the University students!

I mentally shudder. How could I live this down? Any moment now the entire class is going to notice how I'm barely keeping myself intact over here. The three years stuck in that horrid private school, two of which were spent perfecting the Arrogant Sasuke, were going to wasted, and soon!

Thankfully, Mr. Umino finally figures out how to get his students' attention back.

"Pop Quiz," he declares, bringing a groan from everyone in the class except for me.

And, some part of me notices, the kid sitting directly behind me.

The Pop Quiz was a breeze. I try not to let on as to how intelligent I really am, but Arrogant Sasuke can't even let that much of a challenge slip past him. It may be detrimental to his, "I-don't-give-a-shit," attitude, but it makes up for it when people come groveling at his feet for study tips.

The rest of my morning classes were a blur; I know I said the right things, did the right things, and took note of homework assignments, but I wasn't really aware of anything outside of my mind until lunch.

Thoughts of that Uto girl—er, guy, er… Kid… Had me trapped inside, going over again and again any sign I may have given that I had actually felt anything towards her/him.

No, I finally decided. Yes, I checked the kid out, but anyone could have seen the anger in my eyes as I looked upon the new student for the first time. I have been pretty free in asserting myself against guys who have crossed me, but never have I touched a lady. Well, never a lady who hadn't asked…

But that was beside the point. Anybody who might have puzzled out a different emotion out of Arrogant Sasuke's face than sheer anger would have chalked it off to restraint. I did restrain myself, true—but not from hitting a girl. I doubt any classmates would've considered that avenue, though. Aside from never hitting a girl, I had also garnered a reputation for letting the girl make the first move. Or five.

And Mr. Umino, may the gods bless him eternally! had distracted the class before I had cracked.

Funny that I'm asking divine beings to favor Mr. Umino, since I normally beg demons to curse the man to Hell and beyond.

That Uto kid had issues. Has issues. I know enough about the person to know that I should stay away, far away. There was no repairing a shattered image, especially after I have been given a precious second chance. I will not ruin this chance, I swear on my life!

Even though I had resolved to keep Uto away from me, the small part of me that still seemed like me wondered why Uto had claimed to be a student at Longview when s/he had been six.

As I walked into the cafeteria, or as I should say, the food court, something felt off. I looked around, noticing everywhere that the high school students were mingling with the middle schoolers; with the University students eavesdropping on their conversations in a way they believed was inconspicuous. The elementary-age kids, unsurprisingly, were flitting around carelessly taking no notice of the odd going-ons.

This was far from ordinary.

The food court was filled with shops to buy gourmet food, health food, and ethnic food, and various other monstrosities that only the kids here would think normal to find in a school's cafeteria. And to think, they complained!

There was more awry than just the over-privileged opulence of it all. The room was normally divided into cliques, smotheringly so. The first division was by age. The University students, naturally, took center stage in the middle of the "cafeteria". The middle school kids took the side that had the less favorable shops to purchase food from, and the high schoolers took the other. Of course, we in high school knew better than to oppose a University student when they decided they wanted to buy something, so we acquiesced to their superiority by allowing them to cut lines and sit in the choice places on our side if they so desired. This happened rarely, but often enough that everyone knew the rule.

Today, the middle and high school boundaries were absolutely blurred and the University students were actually _waiting in lines_ in their attempt to garner the latest gossip. I knew, without a doubt, what they had to be talking about.

I thought I might be sick when I hear Ino's voice.

"So yeah, this kid's name is Uto. Short and sweet, kinda like mine!" she purrs before continuing. "He walks into Mr. Umino's Practical Studies class and shoves—you'll never believe it—_Sasuke Uchiha_! And Sasuke just sits there and takes it. I swear; it was like he thought Uto was a girl or something, the way he refused to touch the boy."

"Really?" a nondescript listener says, clearly begging for more details.

"Mr. Umino made this guy introduce himself, how lame!" Ino laughs, "And he rambled about some unimportant stuff before landing the shocker!"

"What, what?" the small crowd of females begs.

"He said he used to come here! As a student!" she exclaims, smiling in delight when surprise fills the girls' eyes.

"Then I remembered Sasuke totally acting like Uto was a chick, so I decided to ask him."

"Ask him what?" the same nondescript girl begs, even though there really is no need to ask. Even I know where this gossip-fest is going.

"I asked Uto if he was a boy or a girl."

"No!" they all exclaim.

"Yes! And do you know what he said?" Ino was building up the girls' tension and excitement, which would make me admire her prowess as a master storyteller had her material been less vile.

"What what what?" they shout, most of them completely forgetting their upbringing in proper etiquette as they sensed the true shock was near its release.

"He said he was both!"

I draw in my breath sharply as the girls squeal out their glee, not knowing whether the need to do so is because of the ear shattering quality of it, or because of the sudden ache in my chest at hearing the words repeated.

_A/N WOW! Two chapters in a single day! I have never been more obscenely productive, and it's all thanks to Lazy Gaga! Thank you for being my first reviewer. The first is always the most special to me, and I just wanted to let you know that. 3_

_Maybe next time I'll actually let it sit for a week?_

_Anyways, please remember to R and R! Although it's a bit too late for the Reading part, if you've made it this far. Since I was in such a rush to get this out, I didn't pre-write it like I usually do! So please, if you see anything that doesn't make the slightest bit of sense, or maybe a little but not quite there, leave it in your review and/or PM me. I'll be rereading this tomorrow to find my mistakes and correct them, but anything you do can and will be a major help! And if you have any ideas for the plot, feel free to PM those to me as well! I'd love to finagle someone's wish into my work. ^. ^_

_Oh, and once again, thank you Lazy Gaga for making my day._


	3. What Was I Thinking?

_A/N Thank you, Lazy Gaga, for reviewing again! Right now, you're positively the only thing that has me cranking them out this quickly! I mean come on, three chapters in as many days? I think I'm doing swimmingly!_

_Hm, maybe I own my dog. No, I wake when he wakes, eat when he eats, and exercise when he exercises. Damn, owned by a Yorkie! Once again, this writer owns nada. Love ya anyway!_

_So, apparently "oppressingly" and "smotheringly" aren't words featured in the dictionary of my Word Processor? That seriously irritated me. Grawr. Do you know how hard it is to write something talking about the chafing way school hierarchy rubs wrongly against a character when you cannot use those two words? Although, now that I think about it… "Chafing" might have worked… Ah well. There's always next time. I did end up using "smotheringly", though. Thanks for listening to my random tidbit from last time!_

_Please, R and R. Reviews are worth the choice of Sasuke's favorite food/snack!_

_Oh, and before I forget… Lazy Gaga has chosen the first two characters to kiss!… Kinda. She wanted to let me choose, so I thank her! Whole-heartedly! Although I still wish she had chosen, since that was kinda the point of making it a contest… But there's no use crying over spilled milk! On with the story!_

_{ShikonnoTamahater}_

Ino chose that moment to notice me standing close enough to hear her "story". She has the courtesy to blush, but it's due more to her abnormally strong crush on me than embarrassment from being caught gossiping about Uto. And me.

"Hey Sasuke! Come and sit with us for lunch!" Ino shouts above the buzz of the cafeteria.

I glare at her, the look I'm giving demanding to know just _WHY_ the girl thinks _she_ can call me like some obedient dog.

The smile on her face freezes as she blanches slightly, giving me a slight feeling of satisfaction that I allow myself to indulge in.

"Will you come sit with us today? Please?" she corrects timidly.

Well, I have nowhere better to be today. My normal place, on the high school side of course, is leaning against a small stretch of wall curiously devoid of any shop to buy edibles. The small area is the only one of its kind in the lunchroom; everywhere else has doorways, shops, and other architectural decorations such as windows.

The position makes me seem like the social loner and/or recluse of the school, but I can be only approached from my sides and from the front. It is further satisfactory as it takes a bit of maneuvering around tables and seats before anyone can really get to me. I know long before they're close that they're aiming for me. The spot only further reinforces my stoic, badass reputation.

But with the deterioration of Longview's hierarchy, presumably to find out as much as possible about that gender-confused baka, perhaps the best plan would be to join in the confusion. And learn what everyone thought about the new kid.

Ino grins stupidly when I begin to move towards the table her listening fans and her are sitting at, skirting around the one filled with guys between us. I stop just short of the fawning group of girls going delirious from my presence, even at this distance. Why, I can't even touch most of them, and they're nearly swooning!

Even though I revel in their attention, it doesn't stop me from considering them immature for falling so wholly for my ruse.

After mentally voicing my disgust for the idiocy of school-age females, I notice that this group has also transgressed the normal separation of class and clique. There are eighth graders staring up at me with stars in their eyes and their hearts in their hands, and even a University student!

"Temari," I acknowledge.

She nods back. She's the only one out of the whole lot of them who isn't completely under my spell. Yes, she's charmed by me—who isn't? But she knows she's too old for me, even if she was allowed to graduate from high school early and become a University student.

I respect her for putting her academics in front of indulging in the forbidden decadence of the school's sex god.

But of course the moment couldn't last—Ino and all the other girls are getting jealous of my focus on Temari, even if for only such a short time.

"Sasuke…" Ino whines.

I look at her.

"Sit here next to me!" She pats the empty seat next to her.

I raise an eyebrow. "Um, please?" she adds.

Her demand properly changed into a request, I condescendingly acquiesce in Classic Sasuke style, reclining in the hard plastic seat gracefully yet arrogantly.

Ino smiles a blindingly white smile, thanking me for the small act. Che, she's beyond my notice. I begin to wonder why I decided to even sit here when the girls start gushing animatedly, encouraged by my presence and by the fact that I haven't left yet.

Unfortunately, I notice Ino frown slightly. She's looking at me, and I just can't figure out why. I focus on her, which causes her to flinch slightly, but she doesn't look away. My level of respect for the girl rises slightly, although that doesn't say much since I think of her as a gossipmonger.

She pushes her barely picked-at meal at me, apparently noticing my lack of a lunch today. Normally I carry around a "mysterious" brown paper bag in the cafeteria, but I had forgotten about this when I realized I had overslept this morning.

That brown paper bag was nothing but a ruse to keep everyone guessing about what the Great Sasuke Uchiha ate. There really wasn't ever anything in there; I hate to eat in public.

My stomach growls. Even if I hate eating in front of people, it's something I can't avoid when I skipped breakfast and had no idea when I could scrounge some food to eat in private. No, it wouldn't do for someone such as _I_ to pass out from something as simple and as easily avoidable as_ hunger._

I glance down at the offered food. An uneaten apple, and two diet protein bars. One is still in its package, but the other is unwrapped halfway and slightly nibbled on.

I look Ino in the eyes and nod my thanks as I pick up the apple and bite into it.

She blushes, and I hide my slight smile by taking another bite and chewing slowly and carefully.

The other girls, sans the cool-headed Temari, notice this exchange and start rambunctiously shoving their food at me and fighting each other over whose lunch I'm going to eat first. I'm pelted by their cries of "Sasuke, you can eat this!" and "You should have told us you didn't have food!" Not to mention the flying edible weapons!

Internally, I'm scared shitless and have no idea what the flippin' hell is going on! However, I developed my persona of "Arrogant Sasuke" to the point where he can come on in autopilot mode whenever I am unable to.

I coolly stand and push my chair back into the table. "Thank you for allowing me to sit here today," I graciously murmur before departing. Quickly. But of course, in an awe-inspiring way. Can't have anyone thinking that Sasuke would have reason to flee from anything...

I am well rewarded when I hear the yells of the girls rapidly change to simultaneous, "Ahhh…!"

I am weaving my way in and around the crowd of people and tables with only the thought of escaping the lunchroom with my dignity intact explaining my actions when I realize the susurration of constant chattering, which had been louder than usual, has completely silenced itself.

All eyes are directed towards the main entrance to the lunchroom, where a certain blonde is strolling casually through, talking animatedly to a girl with pinkish strawberry-blonde hair. She's listening with a rapt expression on her face, not realizing all the attention placed upon the pair.

The blonde, Uto, turns slightly, and it is now apparent to all in the cafeteria that the kid has his/her arm placed possessively around the pink's shoulders in a friendly but sexually devoid way.

Although, I think I'm the only one who would read friendship, or anything but "THEY'RE DATING! HE MUST BE A BOY!" out of that contact.

My chest twinges a little as I realize that maybe Uto isn't as gender-confused as I had thought...

_A/N Hmmm… I don't think this chapter is quite as good as the first two, but it's really just leading up to the next one! I promise that it'll be quite exciting, so please! Come back and check on the story in about a week! At the rate I'm writing, I'll probably have TWO up!_

_Please, if you notice ANY mistakes or plot holes… Feel free to PM me! If you have any ideas for the plot, I'm all ears for that as well!_

_Please remember to review!_

_-ShikonnoTamahater_


	4. Why'd It Have To Be Her?

_A/N Thank you for all the reviews. They brighten up an otherwise dreary school day. *smile* Reviews this time are worth the choice of either cream or foam! So try to be the first to review! ^.^  
><em>_I don't own these beautiful, wonderful characters. But they sure do own my spare time!  
><em>_Random tidbit from last time—I'm sorry it took me so long to update (two updates in a week, my ass). My computer had a virus, and I couldn't get on it until I wiped it free of disease. And then I had to completely revamp the computer room! I got a new desk that wouldn't fit where the old one was so I had to move my six-foot tall bookshelf filled with my manga collection and fantasy novels. Then I had to rewire EVERYTHING! But never fear—I created an outline for the story. A rather strict one that allows for sequels. Expect updates for a while! –Apolgies from  
><em>_{ShikonnoTamahater}_

Uto finally seems to realize that she… he's being stared at. He faces the silent cafeteria with a look of slightly confused bemusement. The pink surreptitiously slips out from under the blonde's arm. I note this with an inaudible, mirthless laugh.

I still want to leave, but the two are blocking the main exit. The Great Sasuke doesn't pass by _anybody_. People pass by _me_.

The blonde's attractive, thin body catches my eye. Immediately, the embarrassment of Sasuke's Great Shock comes rushing back. True, it might not have ever left me completely, but I had pushed it to deep, dark corners of my mind. At least, that's what Arrogant Sasuke had assured me.

And then, with the entire school watching, Uto looks and smiles at me.

_The blonde silently checked Sasuke out, the kid's grin never slipping from an open trusting smile. Turmoil ran rampant through the teen's veins at the sight of the pale skin and raven hair the blonde remembered so well._

_A soft tension, invisible to all but the kid gripped the raven-haired boy's body. Unlike the blonde teen's body, this child was definitely male. There was no questioning that. Uto found a desire to comfort that weariness away from the boy rising in the teen's own being. Preferably starting that comfort against his… his…_

_His lips were perfection; immaculately shaped if a tad thin. But the thin mouth suited the boy's lean figure as if an angel blessed by the gods had sculpted it out of clay. The blonde would be content to sculpt those lips for the next thousand years, and still consider the work unfinished. Uto's plump lips unconsciously pressed together as their owner wondered what it would be like for the mismatched pairs to meet._

_Sasuke stiffened, which brought Uto's attention to his height. The boy was _tall_, standing at least a good head above the blonde from even that distance. The blonde sighed. The kid wasn't short, but the Uchiha definitely had that advantage over the blonde. Sasuke had obviously grown up well in the time that Uto had been away. But… the raven-haired boy was _too_ tight, _too_ alarmed and on guard… He looked… angry. But was he really? Uto had always fit in with Sasuke, but the blonde had hardly ever known when a joke had been taken too far. At least, not until Sasuke had exploded. Something flashed, bringing the blonde's attention to something only marginally less depressing._

_Artificial light once again glinted harshly against the boy's raven hair. _So he's started to use gel _the kid thought. However, the blonde wasn't fooled. The sharp, upwards turn the hair took was not the product of a comb and expert styling. The raven-colored hair just grew that way naturally, if you could believe it. Which the blonde did wholeheartedly. The blonde had tousled that hair countless times before it had even known the word "gel". Uto wondered sadly when this childhood memory had died, and when this farce had taken his place. Without letting the emotion show, the blonde was filled with great sadness at the fact that so much had changed while being away._

Uto's grin has me off-kilter immediately. Not externally, of course, as Arrogant Sasuke has my body tensing as soon as I relinquish control of it. I pull myself back together and reclaim my body—but I don't release the accumulated tension. It suits my mood, and I don't think anyone can notice the difference between this and my normal posture. Nowadays, there isn't much to find. I'm too strung up, walking around in Classic Sasuke style. I'm the only one who knows that "Classic Sasuke" is really "Arrogant Sasuke", and that that's not me.

Divergent thoughts, che. I'm becoming scatterbrained. The… boy… has let down his hair from those ridiculous ponytails. The blonde hair lies completely flat on his head, albeit where the layers flare outwards slightly. His eyes have a mischievous quality to them, making me wonder just how I could've thought the kid was a chick.

Uto presses his lips together seductively, and I know how I could. My lips should be on hers. I should taste her; I should be learning her, and _taking possession over her._

Shit, Sasuke! Control yourself!

I fight my bubbling need for Uto, forcing my body to stand absolutely, completely still. Just. Still.

My posture is so stiff that I hear girls' shocked gasps behind me. They think I'm angry. So be it.

As long as they don't know my true feelings.

_Uto finally noticed Sasuke's anger again. The boy's eyes had distracted the new kid again; those coal black stones hardened with buried, but unforgotten, pain. _It's not anger… Unless he's angry with himself, _the blonde thought. Years of experiencing similar pain had made Uto very perceptive in identifying others', and Sasuke was a part of the blonde's past. Thought the raven-haired teen may not be angry, there was a hidden facet in those stony eyes that always displayed rage. Desperate to avoid those tortured, angry eyes, the blonde looked around for an escape. Any would do. Any… at all…_

_The pink was still nearby. Forgetting the consequences, thinking only of escape, the blonde turned and pounced on the girl._

Shock.

My head starts spinning. Even Arrogant Sasuke doesn't know what to say.

Uto.

Is.

Kissing.

Sakura.

For the pink that Uto had come into the lunchroom with her/his… his/her… ITS arm around was none other than the Queen of Stalkers, Sasuke Edition.

Jealousy burns my stomach like a brand. I clench my hands into fists in an attempt to force out the hatred boiling through my veins. I don't know which sounds more pleasant: vomiting the contents of my stomach onto the floor, or ripping one of the two's faces off. And no, I don't know which, the blonde or the pink, would receive my wrath.

Realizing that both options are as completely un-Sasuke-like as I can get at this school, though the second option would reinforce my bad-ass reputation at the cost of stud-points due to my persona of godly indifference when it came to "losing" a girl, I try to calm myself down. Che, don't lie. The most I can do is steady my emotions. I am too high-strung right now to feel completely calm.

A steady trickle of sticky liquid is leaking through my clenched fist. I look down and find the remains of Ino's apple crushed in my palm. Disgusted, I sling off as much of the fruit as I can, then debate rubbing my hand on my jeans.

God, why did the kid throw himself on her like that? Anger courses through my soul. I lose it.

I roughly grab Uto by the shoulder and rip the kid from Sakura. I place my body protectively between them, glaring at Uto the entire time. One of my Death Glares. I can't stop the words that start to spill out of my mouth.

"Just _what…_ do you think you're doing, baka?"

_And here's a little break for the author to throw in some words. I inserted this here because I really could've (and it fit so nicely, too…) ended the chapter here, but I decided to be nice and make it longer. After such an unannounced hiatus, ya'll deserve it. Hope you're enjoying the fourth chapter! I'm getting super excited! ^.^_

I am well rewarded from my angrily declared question by the blonde's blue eyes widening in shock. It's an amateurish mistake, even for somebody who hasn't been masquerading as the silent, cool type. If you kiss somebody so unexpectedly, of course _someone's _going to say something about it. Might as well be me.

I drop my hand from the kid's shoulder. In the few moments we had been touching, I had felt the small, weak frame, and it had made me want to… _protect_ the idiot.

This feeling disgusts me, and I let it show on my face.

For some reason, the kid just grins at me while slowly taking a hair tie from each wrist. I watch, inwardly entranced but still royally pissed off, as Uto carefully separates and pulls half a head of blonde silk back into the childish high ponytails. Instantly, the blonde's personality changes before my eyes. Uto's posture becomes less rigid and assertive, and its eyes lose the majority of that mischievous quality. But not all.

"Um, Sasuke, Sasuke Uchiha, right? I'm sorry, is Sakura-chan someone important to you?" the gender-confused idiot asks, nay, shouts with innocent little doe eyes and a voice slightly softer than when conversing with Sakura. Still gender-neutral, though. Innocent my ass, though, the twerp knows what it's doing by asking me that, I can see it in its face! Trying to make this about jealousy, che! I don't get jealous. Not any form of Sasuke can do that! That's when it hits me. I finally, although it's only been a few seconds that can be chalked up to roiling, seething hatred, notice the "chan" suffix attached to Sakura's name; it makes sense for someone like this to be an otaku.

Damn my Japanophilic inclinations and tendency to notice others similarly affected.

Hey, at least I'm Japanese myself. Uto has no excuse; he's as white as they come, stupid reputation-wrecking Aryan.

"Hn," I grunt, neither acknowledging nor denying the accusation. Behind me, Sakura stiffens with, presumably, happy anticipation.

"Sasuke-kun?" Great, even Sakura is picking up bad habits. Why, oh why? is Japanese Culture and Language offered as a class in this god-forsaken private school?

I ignore her and continue addressing Uto. "Sakura-chan?" I ask insolently, disgust evident in my voice and snarl.

"Yes. Sakura-chan."

"Then who am I?" A change of topic might steer this clear of a situation that even I can't salvage.

"Sasuke."

"Try again."

"Sasuke-san?"

Still not formal enough. "No, Uza-san," I say, dropping a hint for the thick numbskull.

The blonde thinks for a moment. "Uchiha…" I bow my head, acknowledging this form of my name even though it's still more informal than what I'd like, "-teme."

… _Bastard_? Did I just get called a _bastard_?

"Disrespectful nitwit!" I yell uncharacteristically, for the Arrogant Sasuke's typical norms anyways, glaring daggers at the blonde idiot. Male or female, I'm going to strangle the kid!

The baka looks hesitantly at me, which makes me realize two things: the blonde's eyes are completely pure and free from that cunning look, and that I'm once again unsure of the blonde's gender. When did that happen? However, the blonde is still staring cautiously and uncomfortably, causing me to quickly wonder what it was that caused him/her to retreat like that, but then I am distracted as Uto shifts his/her gaze. As part of the same movement, he/she grasps the rest of the blonde hair hanging limp rather stupidly and wraps with it the remaining hair tie s/he had been holding the entire time, completing the high ponytail style I had met Uto wearing.

Desire wracks my body, worse than the slight attraction that had plagued me when I had a hold on the blonde's shoulder. To my growing horror, something else… grows… as I look at Uto. I quell the hardening, and am left with an invisible "semi". Thankfully the jeans I had thrown on this morning, though tight, are loose around the crotch.

Apparently refusing to acknowledge my outburst in order to infuriate me further into a maniacal rage, Uto starts to ask a question.

"Does the Great Sasuke," which leaves me wondering how the kid had figured out my own internal nickname for myself and how he/she had kept up with that part of the conversation after such a long digression, "have feelings for Sakura-chan?" Fear suddenly grips me, denying me movement to make any excuse for his/her next words. He had hinted to this earlier, but I hadn't thought the blonde would take it this fa—

I swear I see that damn mischievous glint return momentarily to the twerp's eyes as s/he asks, "Are you two dating each other?"

Mother. Trucker.

Son of a _bitch!_

Uto… Uto went there!

I hear Sakura breathe in sharply. Arrogant Sasuke takes over, grabbing the blonde by the throat. "Look, dobe, don't fuck with me. Just. Don't. I'm far too powerful for you."

I feel the blonde swallow nervously beneath my hand. The kid's pulse is racing against my fingers, and I know the twerp is frightened. Good, damn straight he should be. The Great Sasuke is someone to be frightened of, regardless of whether it's the persona or me. But Uto's eyes never lose that twinkle of laughter, nor his/her silly little grin. The eyes never lie, if you can read them well. My respect slightly rises for the kid.

"Your girlfriend's getting jealous, Uchiha-teme," Uto whispers, straining to be heard through the vice grip I have on the blonde's slender trachea.

I remember the spark that caused this rage and I release Uto's neck, leaving shards of crushed apple and a shiny choker of juice to ring it. Confusion hits me. I don't know what to do! What can I do? Why would the gender-confused idiot try to ruin me like that?

Enraged, and unable to think of a proper course of action to restore my pride and reputation, I storm past the blonde, Classic Sasuke style be damned!

I leave the cafeteria amidst a storm of frantic whispering and brazen chatter. Damn gossips.

Oh, how gossips piss me off.

_A/N Have you not figured it out yet? I am positively enjoying screwing Sasuke. It's my favorite activity! Oh… I mean with… Screwing with… Mah bad… But rather funny, if you think about it.  
><em>_Oh, oh dear god… It has only now come to my attention that Naruto's surname is UzUmaki. I always knew this, but the way I pronounce it makes the sound between an "a" and a "u" spelling pretty much the same. This means I've spelled one of the character's names wrong. Oh god. A better random tidbit from last time, I'd say.  
><em>_Questions? Comments? Concerns about plot holes? Feel free to PM about anything!  
><em>_{ShikonnoTamahater}_


	5. When I Stop Vomiting, I'll Let You Know

_A/N Guess what, loyal fans… I did it! I own them! That's right, b**ches! Just kidding. They're owned by Kishimoto-sensei, and related associates.  
><em>_I had a hard time writing in Uto's POV without user pronouns associated with one gender or the other. Somebody pat my head for a job well done, 'kay? There are only so many ways to talk about a person with only using their name, "the kid", and titles referring to their hair… Thanks for listening to the random tidbit from last time!  
><em>_Thank you for the shiny reviews! Smiles are abundant when I read my reviews! So please, continue to R and R. Reviews this time are redeemable for the super-secret name of the porn mag Kakashi's carrying around… And it's not Ichy Ichy/Makeout Paradise. Special thanks to whointheworldwouldbelievethat who made my day with THREE! And then four.  
><em>_Hugs, kisses, because there's a warning: slash scene between hot teachers coming your way!  
><em>_{ShikonnoTamahater}_

I am not running away. I swear I am not.

I am not.

Sasuke doesn't run away.

_So why can't I stop moving?_

Finally, I slow. I rest my head against a locker, breathing deeply as the cold metal settles my thoughts. I rest like this for a few minutes before my knees stop quaking with anger and another emotion I don't feel like identifying.

I glance at my watch.

I snort.

Just my luck, something besides my untarnished reputation as an unattached stud is broken. Hopefully, neither is beyond repair. I have more hope for the watch.

Pulling out my mobile from the pocket of my black jeans, I check the time. There are ten minutes before the musical, lilting notes of Longview's school bell sends its students scurrying back to their classes.

Oh, yes, school. Mentally, I check my schedule. My next class is… I groan. It's with that damn pervert! Always reading that porn mag he proudly flashes in front of his male students, since the picture on the front makes it either a provocative novel, or a softer smut mag. The thickness hints towards the latter. As it can go either way, he steadfastly denies its erotic quality to the girls of his classes. Bastard even hits on them from time to time!

Defeated, I _thunk_ my head back down to the locker. He's one of the guys who flirt with me, but unlike his boy counterparts he understands his actions, and deliberately chooses to use his knowledge to make me feel as dirty as possible. Gah, if anybody is a "teme", that overgrown excuse for a man-child is!

I'll admit, though, he does know how to stop just short of sexual harassment.

If his underhanded techniques weren't directed at me so often, I'd probably admire him and take notes. He's a worthy adversary to emulate, both Sasukes can agree on that.

Excluding that god-awful hairstyle of his. That doesn't look good on _anybody_. Even _I _couldn't make that look good. In elementary and middle school we'd make fun of the way it stuck out so haphazardly anywhere and everywhere, and how it's always covered up his left eye. And that's not to mention the horrendously unfashionable allergy mask he's never found without. I don't care how badly your hay fever or whatever flares up, that doesn't make it okay! I guess he thinks the fact that it's been dyed black makes him look cool or something, but it makes his perverted behavior all the more ridiculous, not to mention it takes on a creepier undertone.

Some days I just want to stab that hair with any sharp implement I happen to have on hand. It _has_ to be alive. People may make fun of MY hair, but that's before they know how well it suits me… Or know me at all, and that I'll kick your ass if you mention it. His hair borders on physically impossible and doesn't suit _anybody's_ personality. Well, maybe if you just discovered electricity or have the intellectual prowess of Einstein or Newton, but this man… is not that intelligent. He's too much of a perv.

And stone-gray? Come on. Get some dye into that already. Better yet, stop dyeing it at home. It's disgraceful when you're only in your twenties. You're too old to be "experimenting", and too young to look right in it yet.

I breathe, mentally yanking myself out of these divergent thoughts. A few more moments are spent lying with my forehead against pressed against the metal mini-door. I sigh, collecting Arrogant Sasuke for round two. The rest of the school day, here I come!

I push myself off the locker when my mobile vibrates once; almost forgotten in the fruit juice-sticky hand I'd used to check the time. Who would be texting me now? I'm well known for NOT answering calls or text messages. I may be a badass, but grades are important. Besides, neither my foster family nor I foots the bill, so I don't want to rack it up too high. Even if I do have unlimited messaging. What my stalkers don't know won't hurt them, right?

_From: 596-555-3825 Subject: FW:_

Hmmm… An unknown number. That didn't happen very often. I haven't gone out with any girls recently, at least not any that would be desperate enough to steal my number from somebody who did, which was an alarmingly short list for someone on that warpath. However, you never knew with some of the crazier girls. A few could pretend to function as a normal human being long enough to stay in my presence for such an extended amount of time, despite my efforts to stay as far away from their type as possible.

Should I break character long enough to check it? Today has been such an off day, I might as well.

_From Ino (596-555-4744)_

Ah. Ino had forwarded the message she had received from a number my phone didn't recognize. In other words, somebody had sent the message to her, she had forwarded it to me, and my phone, being the brilliant piece of technology that it was, had brought up the first sender as the person who'd sent it to me. Yet another reason why I didn't bother with texting most of the time. However, I'm intrigued, so I scroll down further.

_wat is up wit dat uto kid? first heshe kiss sakura ten lapdnces kiba kssd him 2 kids badass. oh and saske n sakura r 2gthr! so werrd rite? –hey Sasuke. thought you should see this. Ino_

Translating this garbled mess to "What's up with Uto? First he/she kissed Sakura, then lap danced Kiba, and kissed him as well. The kid's a badass! Oh, and look! Blatant lie! That's so weird, why would someone say something like that?" I wish.

I grip the phone so tightly the plastic creaks, threatening to snap if I don't let go. My hand still smells of Ino's sweet, sweet apple, and I find myself wondering what it would've tasted like to lick that apple juice from Uto's small, delicate neck…

I punch myself in the balls. Lightly, of course, seeing as I'm no idiot. But hard enough to yank my mind from that type of dangerous thinking. No amount of loose jeans would hide my arousal if I left my mind run rampant wherever it liked.

Plenty of time to question everything about Uto Uza when I get home.

This thought alleviating my ridiculous need to constantly worry about that baka, I stride confidently to my next class.

My thoughts turn back to the text message for a moment. Despite the ruining affects of the false rumor that was no doubt firing through the phones of the few people who hadn't been in the cafeteria earlier, there was a positive affect of the message. Ino would work day and night to quash this to a reasonable level of insanity, thank god. Her crush, plus her faith in my inability to hold onto commitment, would have her racing her fingers negating the rumor faster than it spread. Her amendment to the original message assured me of this.

Ino's attachment was coherent and didn't require a translation, which is one of the reasons I gave her my number. Just because I hate gossips doesn't mean I can't like the person underneath from time to time. Besides, occasionally she gave me useful information such as this.

Reassured for the time being, my thoughts turn back to school. Technically, the pervert's class is Health Education. But while taking the class, you receive credit for Pre-A.P. Longview History, A.P. World History, A.P. Government, A.P. Astronomy, A.P. Anatomy, and Pre-A.P. Calculus for some mysterious reason. It's also a two-year requirement if you're a member of organized sports at school. If you're not in any sports, though few students aren't, the class is a four-year requirement, though the courses you are taught are different and build on past years.

Athletics aren't offered as a class at Longview, so to receive the necessary P.E. credits for graduation, student athletes are shuffled into Health Ed, which offers those Physical Education credits.

In an aside, most schools across the nation force students to take a social studies class based on that region's history. Ours was no different, so the public schools and our school have a class called Longview History. The other courses covered are apparent.

As a sophomore, this will be my second year dealing with Kakashi, so help me God!

I turn the corner and, at the end of the hallway, spot Mr. Hatake's room. I hesitate for a moment; I don't want to be seen waiting outside like a coward when the bell signals the end of lunch, but neither do I want to enter the pervert's room early and be subject to all his lascivious, lewd behavior alone without the presence of witnesses.

Who knows, he might go further than hinting if we're alone together!

Suppressing a shudder, I walk towards his open room. I am about to slouch coolly in, Classic Sasuke style, when a whispering nervous voice freezes my body and prevents me from entering the doorway.

"You can't force someone to," that strange but familiar voice whispers frantically.

"Wanna bet?"

"Kak—mmph!"

Hell no. Hell freaking no. He's done it. He's finally done it. _Hatake's crossed the boundary!_

I leap into the room to find someone pressed up against a wall by Mr. Hatake, their lips crushed against Mr. Hatake's both passionately and possessively.

My brain processes this situation quickly.

Excepting one detail.

One tiny, crucial, impossible detail.

The person Mr. Hatake is kissing is…

Oh shit.

Nausea threatens to spew from my mouth as I contemplate the scene in front of me. Umino and Hatake?

I can't control the gagging, guttural noise that emits from the back of my throat, and the two pull apart.

Never did I see that one coming. Mr. Umino takes one look at me, a student, and blanches. Arrogant Sasuke, making note of my inability to do much more gape like a dying fish, takes over.

"You know, Mr. Hatake, Mr. Umino would probably be more comfortable with kissing you if he could actually _touch your lips_," I say, gesturing to Hatake's allergy mask. Honestly, the way that thing was melded to his mouth just a moment ago; I could see every little motion of their lips. You know what, if he's going to perv off in the workplace, then I don't have to give him the respect due to him as a teacher by calling him by his last name or "Mr." I'll just call him by what his little _boyfriend_ calls him. Kakaffghmph.

Finally reining in my thoughts, the true import of what I had seen hits me.

_Kakashi is gay!_

So that porn mag he always carries around is actually… It's actually a cover-up? He's not as much of a gross, lecherous old man as I thought? This conclusion somehow settles my stomach and forces all further intelligent thought to leave me—which has Arrogant Sasuke scrambling in an attempt to get a handle on the situation a second time, yet finding it impossible. He takes a breath, opens my mouth, and then—

"Oof!"

For the second time today, I find myself falling. However, unlike earlier, even the Uchiha reflexes can't save in my current mind-fucked state. I'm falling face first, without even the impulse to catch myself. Idly, I realize I'm going to break my nose when I hit the ground, and I prepare myself for the sudden, resounding _crack_ the impact promises, along with the knowledge that my face and reputation will now be forever marred. But then Kakashi is there, holding me up by the spiky end of my hair.

Feelings of brief relief and slight annoyance over yet another flight session are shoved out of my mind by intense pain, my hair follicles screaming out their rage at this unforgivable torture. They make their angry dissent known by expressing it against my skull. I quickly catch myself, giving my brain a reprieve, and Death Glare at the Health Ed teacher, who keeps his grip on my hair while staring condescendingly down at me in return. Damn. I would've taken mortal embarrassment over this stinging burn in my head any day! Hell, even more of Uto's form of ridicule on a freaking STAGE probably would've been better than this.

I encircle my hand around the wrist holding my hair captive. "Let go of me," I mutter huskily, remnants of pain still evident in my voice. I shudder about the display of weakness, but there's not much I can do about it now, especially since I already nearly humiliated myself in front of my two teachers.

"Mmm… No" Kakashi lazily replies with his one visible eye half-lidded in seeming disinterest.

"I said… Get your hands off me," I restate, flicking a glance at Mr. Umino. _Everybody_ recognizes the vicious, unnamed threat in my words, and the fact that it will come as swiftly and surely as my personality promises, especially the furiously blushing Mr. Umino who visibly flinches at them when he meets my slightly downcast gaze. Torn between reprimanding a student in the wrong and keeping his secret safe by not antagonizing the one person who could utterly ruin him, he shakes uncontrollably and refuses to make eye contact again. It's pathetic, but not entirely without reason. He's not in an enviable position. And considering Kakashi's forcefulness with him, that translates to the bed as well as my potential use of blackmail.

Kakashi just grins at me, jutting out his chin in such a way that his mask tightens enough for me to see it, not unlike the mask had been constricted when I saw Mr. Umino's lips smothered against his. I snarl at him, a deep low growl worthy of any alpha male wolf; the warning note in my voice is once again obvious to everyone in the room. Wait, everyone _including_ the person who'd rammed me from behind… The one who, apart from the clandestine meeting I'd interrupted, had started this entire ordeal…

A small, slender, tanned hand gently places itself above mine, in the crook of Kakashi's elbow.

A soft voice speaks; it sounds so foreign to me, and yet it's becoming so familiar. Startlingly, it's still devoid of the high-pitched tones of a female and missing the lower octaves indicative of a male. Unbeknownst to me, my body shudders slightly in Kakashi's grip.

"Please, let go of him. It's kinda wrong to see a teacher with his hands all over a student like this, ya know?"

Kakashi releases me. I let go of his wrist, and turn slowly to see who has saved me.

Even though I know with certainty the identity of that person.

"Uza-san," I acknowledge, my throat choking up afterwards. I swallow hard while Uto grins at me, as if the blonde knows how much his/her presence affects me.

"Sit in your seats, already," Kakashi says, stifling a bored yawn unsuccessfully. From his voice and posture alone, he seems to have calmed down, but a part of me wonders if he's seething inside. I know I would be, if I were caught like that with anybody I truly wanted to be with.

I turn back to face the man to try and figure out if my suspicions are correct. Big mistake.

A hand, presumably belonging to that insufferable Uto, snakes its way up my back from just above my butt.

I shiver in slight arousal, and then deliberately flinch to cover for that particular weakness. "Get your hands off of me, dobe," I growl over my shoulder.

"Come on, children, none of that. At least not without me," Kakashi leers. Surprisingly effective with only one eye. Uto's hand quickly drops.

He obviously _never_ calms down, and I somehow find myself idly wondering what kissing that allergy mask would feel like. Poor Mr. Umino. No wonder his mouth's so raw after such a short lip-lock.

I saunter past Kakashi and smirk knowingly at Mr. Umino, who is still pressed up against the wall where Hatake—Kakashi—had taken near-complete possession of him. As in, nearly raped the man where he stood. I know what I saw, and that wasn't a normal manifestation of attraction. That… attack… was full-blown lust and desire.

"Nice catch," I mutter out of the side of my mouth when I pass by him on my way to my desk. The emasculated man blushes, if possible, even harder than before.

"What was that, Sasuke?" Kakashi spits from the front of the room.

I don't want to enter that ballpark just yet, so I wordlessly sit in my seat. However, some part of me pangs with guilt. Even though it's as un-Sasuke-like as possible, even though unenlightened Uto is till standing in the room, listening to my every word, and even though more students could come pouring in the classroom at any time, I open my mouth. I speak, thinking of only reassuring Mr. Umino and, unfortunately by extension, Mr. Hatake. My teachers Iruka and Kakashi deserve that, well, at least Iruka does. "Don't worry. I don't think I saw anything of importance. That test tomorrow is still a secret, and secrets are safe wit me."

"Um, well, I…" Mr. Umino begins. He happens to glance at his watch, which I note is working, unlike mine. "Class is about to start!" Mr. Umino remembers in the knick of time, barely managing to salvage his manly pride as darts out of the door.

I want to slip into a condescending mode and think ill of the man for allowing himself to be overpowered in such a humiliating manner, but considering my own confusing feelings developing for Uto today, how could I justify being so hypocritical? How could I be so cruel?

Arrogant Sasuke, that's now.

Fucking homos.

Just kidding… Or am I?

Damn, even I don't know who is the mask of Sasuke and who is Sasuke proper anymore.

A voice pipes up from the front of the classroom. "May I sit next to Sasuke?"

Kakashi languorously looks from me to the owner of that genderless voice. "Yes, you may… Uto Uza, I presume?" he asks with a casual, careless sigh filled with the world-weariness that only one who has been teaching for entirely too long can manage.

The blonde smiles goofily. "Yes sir!"

Kakashi smiles back with his eyes—erm, eye. "Well, consider that your new permanent seat," he says, gesturing to a seat on my right.

What? Kakashi _never_ changes his seating chart! It is meticulously planned from the first day of school.

Is… Is he…? Yes, he is! The fairy-man's punishing me! That's the only explanation for this!

There is a malicious gleam in his eye that I don't quite like as he turns to me, asking, "Is the brilliant Sasuke okay with that?" It's not like I can argue. That would only expedite the process.

Damn that Kakashi! "Hn." I grunt, trying to make it seem like I don't care. Yes, it's official: he's punishing me.

Kakashi nods at Uto, and the blonde motor quickly down the aisle to the desk Kakashi had pointed out earlier, stumbling just before making it.

My body leaps up from my seat and steadies Uto, catching the blonde with one arm. Borne from the need to protect others, it was an automatic, instinctive reaction that I've ignored a thousand times before.

"Trying to kill yourself on the first day, baka?" I hiss angrily, forcing as much of Arrogant Sasuke as I can muster into my voice to disguise the fact that I _couldn't_ let the idiot fall.

Weight leaves my pocket.

"What are you—" I'm silenced by the grateful look in Uto's eyes as the blonde holds my mobile. Instead of answering, the kid ignores my words as her/his fingers fly across the interface of the device, though doing what exactly, I cannot say.

"Here!" the blonde chirps, offering the cell back to its proper owner. I take it warily, searching the blonde's beautiful baby blue orbs for any sign of deception. Wait, baby blue? Of course not, just a trick of the light. The same one making this homo hot. Sparkling blue eyes? Definitely, and under any light. In fact, the mischievous twinkle was present, even now, but when that disappeared it never seemed to truly go away. In fact, that particular twinkle reminded me of this… Never mind, back on subject. Yes, slightly naughty, "I-stole-your-cookies-when-you-weren't-looking-and-now-I'm-waiting-for-you-to-notice" eyes, but no, there wasn't overwhelming guile apparent; something told me the kid was the type unable to control themselves so well when awaiting a victim to be ensnared in their trap.

So there probably wasn't a cleverly installed bomb in my cell. I look at my mobile phone, ignoring the trickle of students starting to file through the door behind me to see what Uto had done.

_First name: Uto  
><em>_Last name: Uza  
><em>_Mobile#: 596-555-6278  
><em>_Home#: 596-555-6254  
><em>_email: .kona_

Whoa. The kid went all out, giving just about all the contact info imaginable in the space of a few seconds.

"Um," the blonde interjects, jarring me from my thoughts before I can start making fun of the transfer student's openness. "I just wanted to thank you for saving me just now. I mean, I'm just so new and stuff, and my schedule's just so messed up, and I think I got on your bad side earlier, and…" The kid keeps blathering on and on and on—I may have a passing attraction to him/her, but even the Great Sasuke's human occasionally—seemingly without end. I have stopped paying attention when, "And I know I talk a lot, but I just wanted to try and explain myself. Um, and that's because…" Uto pauses for a deep breath at this point, and I almost check out again in anticipation of another barrage of words. But there's something in the blonde's nervous, pinched face that entreats me to listen.

"That is because you… You remind me of my best, um, friend."

Huh. I remind Uto of somebody. Didn't Uto claim to be student here when s/he was younger? Interesting. But it was impossible for that to be true, so this "best friend" couldn't possibly be anybody at Longview.

"Just sit down, baka," I murmur, taking my own seat. Uto visibly blushes and all but falls into the seat Kakashi's given her/him in her/his haste to obey me as Longview's now-annoying school bell rings.

Everyone's turning around to face the new kid, turning back around to chat about Uto's oddity or doing with God and the two of us watching. That's when I realize: they're not staring at Uto; they're staring at me.

Forget this. It's time to bring Arrogant Sasuke back full time. I've been off kilter since Uto crashed into me this morning, and I've let my real self be in control of the reins of my behavior far too often. Even if, thanks to Uto's antics, they all think I'm in some sort of twisted relationship with Sakura, they're _going_ to remember my status. Starting now.

Death Glare. A carefully concentrated dose is applied to each and every one of the imbeciles who _dare_ to gawk at me. A prolonged stare will force even the most steadfast to turn away. Whether it's Arrogant Sasuke or me, this body will not tolerate such insolence. It's not the Uchiha way, or, more importantly, my way.

The number of people trying to gauge my reaction slowly but surely starts to die down. Understandably, nobody feels like tempting fate by incurring my wrath. I don't bother with those starting at my back. It would take too much time to intimidate them all, and besides that, it would be unseemly for the Sasuke they know to care so much about what's going on around him. In other words, they're not worth my time, and they're not learning anything by reading my back, anyways.

A tanned hand starts tapping on my desk. I feign ignorance, and when that doesn't work, I merely act as if Uto's insistence at gaining my attention is not worth my notice. Which it isn't. Instead, I turn my awareness to Kakashi, who is busy writing something incomprehensible on the whiteboard. I can never read his chicken-scratch—pardon me, handwriting—until he begins his lecture and uses some of the phrases he's inscribed.

The door to the classroom bangs open, and a harassed student runs in, panting heavily. It's obvious he tried to get to class on time, but something catastrophic prevented him from doing so. An angry girlfriend, perhaps? Kakashi's such a spontaneous, odd person that nobody wants to be counted tardy. Sometimes he'll let you by with a mere late mark, but he _has_ been known to dole out the occasional queer—sorry, weird—punishment, like the girl who walked in _right_ as the bell started ringing.

He'd told her to climb a tree with only her feet, and if she was "that pathetic" she was allowed to use her hands. Add weights and bam! Disney's Mulan. Sounds harsh, right? Wrong. That was one of the _milder_ penalties.

People who underwent Kakashi's punishments always muttered—quietly, of course—with discontent that Mr. Hatake was never fair. Their grumbling had some merit; Kakashi was infamous for being obnoxiously late to his first class of the day, so much so that he'd already have their lecture and instructions written on the board the night before. But hell hath no furry—my bad, fury—like a scorned Kakashi. Apparently missing a _second_ of his class was "scorning" him.

Needless to say, few, if any, risked Kakashi's varying temperament if it could be avoided. A part of me pities the boy who stands next to Kakashi, wheezing as he catches his breath while waiting for his teacher's attention, and thus his sentencing. Another feeling, unease, enters me as I stare at this scene. I should know this boy.

Finally, Kakashi's signature bored gaze is turned onto him, which immediately changes the student's posture from anxious to panicked. Now was his moment of truth: is it to the gallows, or meekly to his seat? "Sorry, Mr. Hatake, there was this group in front of—" the boy begins.

"Quiet. I don't really care," Kakashi interrupts. The boy closes his mouth mid-word and stands there, silent as the grave he may yet inhabit. I can see him start to break out in a disgustingly nervous sweat. However, it's not entirely unwarranted. That sort of thought, my empathizing with his predicament, means I definitely know him, but how?

Kakashi drags his gaze around his equally silent class. I resist flinching as he deliberately, slowly directs his eyes on me, and then past me, to Uto. And that's when it hits me; I realize I've been sitting next to this kid every day for the past few weeks. The seat Uto took was his!

"Your punishment is…" Kakashi draws out his ruling, as only the best attention whores/storytellers know how, before landing the bombshell. "… severe." The class, as a whole, breathes in sharply, and the guy cringes in abject terror.

Kakashi chuckles. Fucking sadist. "Very, very severe indeed. You were late, so I gave your seat away. Find a new one." That… That's all?

I'm not the only one who feels slightly cheated, or more than slightly. There's cheeky remarks all around the class about how our teacher is starting to lose his touch, and similar rude whispers, all while my former row-mate visibly deflates and damn near collapses. He stumbles down the aisle, finds an empty desk, drops his stuff on it, and flops into his chair.

Seeing his student situated, Kakashi walks to his own desk in the corner and writes a note on what I presume to be his seating chart. His movement reveals the board he'd _conveniently_ been blocking from the eyes of his curious students the entire time he'd been writing his lecture and doling out faux punishments.

I, as I've unfortunately already mentioned, am _actually_ incapable of reading his handwriting, but the shocked gasps and scandalized looks of disgust on my female classmates' faces has me groaning internally. Whatever's up there is _not_ good.

Kakashi, for the moment, is still busy at his desk. He's drawing on one of those clear sheets meant for projectors with a wet-erase marker. I can't see what he's making, but he's concentrating so hard it's obvious that we have a little time before he actually starts lecturing. Not knowing what to do, I drift in and out of thought for a little while before yanking myself back to the real world.

Unbidden, my eyes dart to Uto. The blonde's sitting there nonchalantly, looking around the classroom at all the standard motivational bullshit that papers teachers' rooms. Can the idiot even pretend to be normal for ONE second? Or is the kid just _that _brain damaged?

Uto catches me staring, and as I can no longer look away in order to hold onto both my persona and my natural inclinations, I'm forced to glare coldly as the blonde shoots me an exuberant grin. After I refuse to react, Uto's smile falters. Rolling my eyes slightly, I take this as my cue to look away, and I do, barely resisting jumping out of my skin when I see Kakashi's eyes locked on me. He'd moved to the front again, standing in front of his podium with a self-satisfied air.

Apparently he was waiting for my attention, since he starts talking not a moment after he gives me the most severe heart attack I've had in my entire life… Which is saying something, considering the day I've had.

"Now, I know most of you have read the board and know what today's lecture is going to cover, but for those of who lack the ability to do so, or perhaps the inclination due to severe laziness, I shall announce the subject before diving in." He keeps looking at me while he's saying this, but it's not like _I_ can't read. I mean, I can't, but that's because it's HIS handwriting, and not because I'm not able to do something as _simple_ as reading. Besides, where does he come off getting in a remark about laziness? He who _can't even come to work on time?_

Regardless of my lightning fast internal dialogue, Kakashi keeps talking. And yes, he's still shooting glares at me with that creepy, unblinking eye. "This is an area of utmost importance to each and every one of you. The fact that so many students pass through these halls without proper education in this matter simply astounds me, and that is why I'm addressing it today."

Kakashi shifts, and some of the information on the board is made clear to me. Oh no. He wouldn't.

"An interaction I observed between one student and his… significant other… is what led me to my decision. You may thank him for this most _enlightening_ of lessons," Kakashi says, eyes, or rather, eye, taking in his students at once. "Today we are learning the esteemed subject of…"

He would. Our class is going to cover—his mouth opens again, and I swear the little jerk stares and smiles at me with uncontainable glee as he says, "Sex Education".

_If you notice plot holes, grammatical errors, or just plain offness about ANYTHING, let me know in a PM. You'll make my day! Don't forget to review!_


	6. Why Do I Feel So Funny?

_Still not complete, in terms of A/N's and whatnot, but I can live with this as a chapter now. I'll fix it, and expect the seventh chapter in about a week or so. Also, if you're a returning reader, make sure to check out the first chapter! I've taken out quite a bit of the mumbling in my A/N's, and fixed the plot up to my new standards. Love from  
>{ShikonnoTamahater}<em>

Sex Ed?

Seriously, Sex Ed?!

I wonder why this man continues to amaze me. I really do. There's nothing he can do that should surprise me. I should be getting used to him, or something. Why is it that this man's perviness knows no bounds?!

"And now, without further ado, I shall explain what this act called sex means... And what it implies for each of you," Kakashi says with a cocky flourish. Anyone else know an attention whore when they see one? Needy much, Kakashi?

The man points to one of the illegible sentences written on the board behind him. "See this?" he asks the class, glaring a rather intimidating stare at many individuals at random. "Sex is meant to be emotional; it's a loving act performed between two humans with no better method to express themselves to the other." Oh shit. Being touchy-feely, besotted lovebirds is the only way to consummate a relationship? I don't think so. That's not the way I roll, and for good reason. I'm not losing my virginity any time soon, but when I do, it's not going to be for an idiotic reason like that. Besides, I don't think I like where this "lecture" is going, especially considering my teacher's true nature.

"At least," Kakashi continues, "this is what several religious and moral institutions would have you think. Sex is often boiled down to be a purely physical connection between two consenting adults that may or may not speak to each other about the matter again, or even speak to one another at all."

Yep. _This _is pretty much what I expect from this man. _This_ is his usual hobby, which seems to be twisting words into a form that is far less appealing than the original, but undoubtedly more delectable to him. I'd anticipated what he'd said, or at the very least did not find it shocking; logic and experience dictated a specific occurrence to follow. This means, according to the laws of the universe, that words are about to come spewing from that man's mouth that will catch me completely off guard.

"For those of you who have dated this person and have been shocked when he didn't attempt "sleep" with you," Kakashi says, showing his rather advanced age by _actually_ using air quotes, "you shouldn't be surprised. This boy—"

Kakashi suddenly stops speaking and visibly pauses. He suddenly stares me down yet again, and I start feeling a horrible sense of foreboding gather in the pit of my stomach. The pit where, not too long ago, bile rose and fell at the sight of two of my teachers making out. Some how, I just _know_: these words are the ones that I will regret him saying above all else that he has or could ever throw at me. He begins once more, "This boy is gay. His name is Sa—"

The door bursts open, and a figure comes flying in, leg out in a kick usually reserved for Asian "martial arts"/"action" movies. Kakashi doesn't have enough time to react, and takes the full brunt of the kick to his cheek and chin, falling rather comically to the ground in a tumbled heap.

I gape at the scene in front of me. Uto's choking in shock, and the rest of the class isn't doing too much better. Part of me screams that I have overridden Arrogant Sasuke's control yet again today, and to return his rightful place as my high school persona, but the part directing my body shushes it and points to the open-mouthed stares of everyone else. They certainly aren't going to notice my indiscretion anytime soon. Both sides wonder if we'll get to see what's under the overgrown bangs that cover Kakashi's eye.

The figure stands upright, and brushes its long blonde hair out and away from its face. That face is filled with a cold fury. I do not envy the man who was just pummeled by its rage. "It" is the A.P. Biology teacher; if I'm not mistaken, she's my teacher as well.

"What the hell?!" the two teachers shout simultaneously. The blonde woman's scream holds more weight, though, since Kakashi's wail of indignation was made while Kakashi was trying to pick himself off the floor. He quickly stands and brushes himself off. My curiosity piques but, unfortunately, he's gathered himself well enough that I don't catch a glimpse of his hidden eye. I force back a chuckle, though rather reluctantly, seeing as both of them have identical looks of outraged disbelief. If I didn't know any better, I'd think they were related. Thankfully, I do know better.

"How on earth is it appropriate to talk about sex so callously in a school, Kakashi? Do you even care about the numbers of ways we could be sued for even _hinting_ at educating underage children about sex in an unofficial lecture that hasn't been approved by even the _smallest_ of parent-signed permission slips? Are you such a vindictive hellion that you would use _that _as your cover? What is wrong with you?! No, forget I asked that. What _isn't _wrong with you?!" She slows, taking a break from yelling angrily, catching her breath in huge gulps of air. In the face of her anger, I almost want to side with Kakashi, but then I remember everything he did to me last year. "Let him suffer," I mutter under my breath, sadistically taking delight in the horror before Kakashi.

However, Kakashi, staring headfirst into the seriously pissed off mouth of the beast, does nothing more than nonchalantly rub the part of his mask where his bruised cheek would lie. Surprisingly, this woman whose name I have forgotten, resumes her tirade ala Uto Uza. I forget my camderie from just a few seconds ago in lieu of this new shouting session. What is it with blondes and talking so damn much when their point's already been made? Ino, Uto, this chick… Temari's the only sane one among them!

"You're evil for that before I even _mention_ your own disgusting indiscretions. How did you get certified to be a teacher? Who was the idiot who gave it to you? For that matter, what the hell was the headmaster on that made him think it was okay to hire a dumbass like _you_ to work at a _private_ school? I mean, you're a lecherous old man just waiting to happen!

Kakashi stops massaging his jaw and gives the irate female before him a look of careful consideration. He opens his mouth as if to reply, but all he gets out is, "Tsunade—" before being interrupted for yet another time.

"Nope, I don't want to hear it," she says, holding out a hand to quell his words… And Kakashi actually allows himself to be shushed! The man can't hear enough of his own voice. Once he's on a roll, he's no shutting up until he's had his say and then some. My amazement at this… Well, it simply knows no bounds.

The Biology teacher continues. "I didn't come here to beat the living hell out of you, but believe me. I will if you make me, so don't fuck with me." Ah. I remember her name now. It was the cursing that jogged my memory; how could I have forgotten Miss Senju's name? I'm long used to her foul-mouthed ways.

"Anyways, I'm here for someone. I'm looking for Sasuke… Sasuke Uchiha. I think he's in this class." While I'm taken aback by the fact that she's looking for me, Miss Senju promptly ignores Kakashi and begins looking around the room. Her eyes light on me, and she walks forward without noticing or caring about the desks around her, as if they can't touch her. She grabs me by the arm and yanks me to my feet, nearly dislocating my shoulder with the sheer amount of force behind her movement.

"Ouch!" I declare, both warning her and acknowledging my pain. I may have let his grip slide, but Arrogant Sasuke is out in full force.

""Ouch"? "Ouch"!? What the hell is this "Ouch!" business about? There's nothing here to harm you!" Miss Senju shouts loudly, practically dragging me down the aisle. She switches direction, and now she's pulling me towards the door! Suddenly feeling very, _very_ threatened and mindlessly terrified, I make my body go limp in an attempt to prevent her from taking me away. The crazy bitch just keeps on going, and the "practically dragging" is now not so… practical.

"No! Don't let her do this to me! Help me! Save me! Hatake! Hatake! Hatake! KAKASHI! Uto! God! SOMEBODY!" It is not me who is screaming this at the top of my lungs, shockingly. It is Arrogant Sasuke. Honestly.

Dread becomes horror and horror becomes despair as I watch the door shut me away from the class with no one jumping up to be my savior. My coherent screams become wordless and higher pitched, and as I feel a sharp _something_ jab into my neck, I welcome the blackness that immediately follows.

_Sorry for the short chapter; I promised you this earlier. I'll redo and update later._


End file.
